English Stuff

A collection of my English texts - most of them still need to get overworked.
So it would be nice if you help me to find the mistakes - just leave a comment and tell.
Thank you and enjoy it here

Sean Dimitjana

Name:
Location: Germany

I spend my time with writing, reading, music and with friends.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Just a dream

I can't remember everything, just parts of it, like the picture has been broken and then filled into a kaleidoscope and I'm the one looking through it.
Yet I don't know what kind of beings they have been, I guess some kind of magic. But if human or another race, I don't know.

Most of all I remember colors, like the absolute black of this man or the beautiful shining light of the queen of them. And yet there are other colors like the ocean blue of the man that the girl fell in love. I was in a way with her, not sure if she felt my presence.
I've not understand the way of their laws or anything else. They seem to be guided by feelings strong and beautiful. But some even as beautiful as they are can hardly see the light and stars which lead them. Some of them have fallen and got lost, finding their place somewhere else. And some others just wait until their time has come.

And yet there is the girl, I've become or just accompanied for the time of my dream. She was one of the few born with different colors, beautiful blue of an early morning sky and dark red something between the color of blood and wine.

She had fallen in love with the ocean blue man, and somehow it seemed they would be together. And then there was a big event. Everyone was looking forward to it. All of them were sewing new clothes or at least had someone doing it for them. Each one in the color of the person who was about to wear it in the end. Even she the girl with two colors made a beautiful dress of her colors. Red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky.

The dance was wonderful, everyone seeing those colors whirling around in dance thought about the rainbow dancing with itself. And the two colored ones just vanished inside this rush of colors, giving the connection to the others.

But all to soon it was over. Their queen asked the black for the last dance, and all the colors were driven out of the ball room. Only some two colored remained to watch them dance. And as the light and darkness danced along the colors of the left ones changed. And in the moment they had decided for their color, they were driven out as well. But the red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky remained.

The queen and her dark partner stopped in front of her.
"So this year it is you again Milady." His voice was dark and soft, hiding his power behind.
But she shook her head. "No, it's not. You can't take me with you again. This year there's none of us left for you." She paused and softly added, "my Lord."
But he had already taken a view inside of her colors and found the one she longed for. "We'll see Milady..." As he left the room. "And I guess I can wait Milady, but he has not so much time..."
Leaving this sentence hang in the air he closed the door behind.

The queen watched the young girl. "You've got to go. Or you'll leave him behind with him till next year. But he probably won't be much the same anymore then. It is again your choice. You must find your way."


The next thing I remember seeing is the red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky as she leaves presents in several rooms. Just as if she says goodbye to everyone and greets them with their colors. And even in the room of the ocean blue she leaves a present.

It's later that day, that the others discover that she has gone. Some try to find out what is going on but they can't find a sign of her.

While the others try to find her, the red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky finds herself in a dark place, where no color can be seen. Even as she tries to see her own colors she finds just a vanishing blue and darkening red, covering her more and more.
Fear has found its way to her and reaches for her heart and her soul. Gently it's circling her, trying to keep the illusion of the one she longs for.

And yet there's something lighting the darkness as the fear thought to be done with the girl. Without hesitation the girl makes here way following the light. Leaving the fear behind, which can't find any grip at her being anymore.



It is later in this dark without time, that she recognizes the ocean blue. He has become pale and weak. He seems to fade every moment. Softly she touches him with her soul, everything she is. And he slowly opens his eyes again. Even there the blue ocean seemed to be gone. But as she keeps the touch with him, stroking him, his color returns.

"You're really not wasting a lot of time."
The voice behind her, makes her turn around. The absolute black watches her, carefully keeping an eye on every move she makes.

"You'll release him my Lord." The red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky is calm, her voice is like a wish. Not loud or asking, but nearly quiet and forcing. Even the absolute black has to admit that she's stronger as he has ever expected.

"And what do I get for this Milady?" The absolute black still has her eyes on her.
"You already know it my Lord." Her voice is soft, like the gentle touch of a lover. Slowly she turns to the ocean blue.
"You must leave my dear, this has never been a place for you." And while she strokes him, he finally recovers and the darkness loses its grip. Still weak he is caught by the red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky. "Go my dear. Just wait for me. Promise me that." With a last kiss, she sends him back to his home. Without giving him the chance to swear what she's asking of him.



Silence fell over the place as the absolute black watches the red flames burning the soft blue of the morning sky.
She's just there, and even as the dark is closing in to her, her colors don't change. Then she slowly turns to the absolute black.
"You now have what you wanted." Just those words, before she closes her eyes and let her fall into the darkness. Her colors fading away within a moment.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Loud and angry, betrayed of what he longed the absolute black, chases away its own shadows. As they have vanished, he hardly can see her, as all her colors have gone apart from a dark shimmering violet.

Taking her on her arms he concentrated on the ball room. The place began to whirl around and as it slowed down, the environment had changed completely. The ball room was now empty and seemed to be abandoned. Only the faded mosaic of the floor remembered its story.

As he lay her down on the floor the faded colors of the mosaic flickered. Around her little balls of color turned up. Starting to circle her, while they forced the absolute black to step back. The door opened and the queen entered the room.



"So here you are, bringing her back." The beautiful shining light of the queen lit the room and opened the seal hiding the colors.
"And there's no way I won't get paid for that." The absolute black said.
"You've been paid, she did it. And now you leave." The queen remarked. "Out." Her voice forced him to leave the ball room.
"I'll be back." he mourned before he vanished.

"Do your work my dears." The queen smiled and weaved her light with the balls of color. Soon something new was taking shape. A beautiful dress all in violet, shimmering blue like the early morning sky and red like wine of blood.
"Wake up, young lady. Won't you?" The queen whispered and let the dress slide down to the girl. As it covered her, the queen turned and left. "Come back, there is someone waiting for you."
Then the door closed.

Written on 5th September 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Monday, June 30, 2008

nothing but a question

I don't know how it started
I hardly remember any reason
all I know is this feeling
so insecure

Still I can't face myself
I hardly look in the mirror
afraid of the unknown
waiting there for me

and it's been nothing
but a simple question
which puzzles me
and destroys me

I feel helpless
can't find any rest
and it feels
like I'm falling

Written on 30th June 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Saturday, May 03, 2008

If I had words

If I had words
to make a world for you
I'd create a place
out of the blue

I'd give it all to you
sun, sky and hope
earth, water and believe
building what you long for

I'd hide a treasure
something to be found
and something
which was never meant to be

I'd add all the small things
which make life so special
and sometimes so hard
that you want to leave

If I had words
to make a world for you
I'd create a place
into the blue

Give you sadness
to show you happiness
Give you fear
to find your strength

I'd leave you alone
there in the place
so you'll have to find your way
back to where you belong

If I had words
to make a world for you
I'd create a place
just for you

Written on 3rd May 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Over

Can you feel it,
do you know what you're doing to me?
Why do you leave me behind
alone and with shattered dreams.

All we planned, we dreamt of
you threw it away
like an old newspaper
just to get me on my knees

But this time I won't let you win
I'll be strong and keep up
for now I won't come back to you again
It's over.

Written on 26th April 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Gone

It's all empty
my life's fading
and I feel
my heart's breaking

You said
it's all over now
I never meant something to you
it was just a show

I'm standing here
watching you leave
trying hard to go on
to take the chance to breathe

My world's breaking down
I don't find the pieces of me
I have lost all my dreams
you left the broken glass there for me

You're gone
and yet
I don't know
what I've done

Still I feel like dying
but the feeling has left
it's been like you
it's been leaving

You won't come back to me
you turned your back on me
and now I leave your world behind
to a place you'll never find

It's all gone
and I've done
what I was supposed to do
I needed to go

Written on 6th March 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Never loose you

"I've been silent for years until found someone I thought that I could trust and who might help me to find myself. And so I slowly opened and found a whole new world, beyond everything that my mind could have imagined. And yet I was afraid and wondering how far I might get." The girl slowly turned towards me and I knew that she meant me with every single word she'd said. "And still I long to be with you, Keyndra. But I'm afraid that I'm losing you..."
Her voice nearly faded and I felt the sorrow rising inside of me. I knew her for so long and yet I've never thought that I could be just as important for her. Leyna never seemed to need me at all. She was always tough and controlling the situation. And besides all this she'd never asked much of me. We spent the days together and enjoyed some trips. Even as we both had same habits I never thought that we would become as close as this. I hardly can tell how much Leyna means to me. She's like a sister, my best friend, and yet, there is much more then I could tell with words. Our souls need another. We can't survive without the other one.
"You won't loose me."
"Promise." She gives me that one look, that makes me feel sad and happy, both at the same time. Leyna knows about it much to well, but that's the way it is...
" I promise you'll never loose me Leyna." Has this been really me? I never wanted to promise anything to anyone.
"Thank you Keyndra." She smiles at me and walks out off the room. I follow her and watch her leaving my flat and my life.
It's been quiet the last time that I saw her and spent time with her. I sometimes wondered why she asked me for this promise, but yet I can't imagine it. I still wonder if we'll ever meet again.

Written on 6th March 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Friday, February 22, 2008

helpless

I still see you dancing in the sun
the gentle light beaming on you
hiding the shadows
which are surrounding you.

I try to get one step closer
but fate's against me
it has chosen you
for this one thing.

I could cry all the time
watching you
struggling to get through this mess
unable to help you.

And yet I long to be there for you
I want to be at your side
giving you a refuge
from the worlds madness.

My heart's breaking
and I can hardly breathe
as I try to make my way to you
against the fates and worlds decision.

You should be only a child
not knowing
about the hate
and jealousy in the world.

You're way to young
to fight against all this misery
you should be save
from any harm.

I would give my life
to protect yours
I would love to be
what I'm not meant to be.

I recognize so much of myself in you
that it's bringing me down
having to watch you grow up
the way it is for now.

You deserve so much
to live your life
to be free and young
just to be a child.

Written on 22nd February 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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Saturday, February 09, 2008

Till death parts us

Just one moment,
one look and you turned away from me.
You ran away and left me there
standing beneath the trees
where we once promised to keep our secret.

Oh brother where did you go?
Why did you run away,
what keeps you away from me?

Once we were lovers
now we're afraid
and avoid the other one.

I still love you
I long for you
but I'm afraid of what we've become.
I fear the pain and darkness inside of us.

There's no way for us.
So I'll leave you there
beneath the trees
which keep our secret
and hide your death.

Written on 9th February 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben

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For you

Did you know that the moon shines only for you
that he watches you
and lit up the darkness
so you find your way and are safe.

Did you know that the sun rises only for you
that she lights the day
for you enjoy them warm beams
and find your true heart.

Did you know that the clouds only cry for you
that your sadness can run free
and leave your heart behind
lifted and free of sadness.

Did you know that earth turns only for you
for you can live your life
and be yourself.

Written on 9th February 2008
© Sean Dimitjana Barleben